Why Me?

This project has been a labor of love. In the past, I’ve had a handful of people mention that they thought I should start a blog. Honestly, and I’m being very real, I thought they were crazy. What do I have to say that someone wants - or needs - to hear? I totally blew it off and moved on with my life. Recently however, the idea hit me out of nowhere and I couldn’t shake it. There’s a part of me that thinks blogging is arrogant - why would I think someone would care to know what I do - or don’t do - on a daily basis? Does anyone really want to know what goes on in our home or on our little farm? It’s like the written form of a selfie and I couldn’t get past that. As I began to think more and more about it, I began to pray more and more about it. My prayer was that if it was where God was leading me, then I was all in, but it had to be very clear. I didn’t want to miss this moment, but I also didn’t want to start something without Him being in the center of it. You’re reading this right now because, as uncomfortable as this is, I’m convinced this is the direction He is leading.

Since the idea of this blog began to develop, talking about it has been emotional for me. Only about 5 people knew it was even in the works, but when we would discuss it, I couldn’t help but get choked up. The truth is I’m scared, anxious, excited and hopeful, among other things. I have been terrified to put my voice out here. It’s like singing to a crowd of strangers for the very first time.

I’ve come to believe this is part of a healing process for me. About 14 years ago I was introduced to Financial Peace University and fell in love with the program. Matt and I went through the classes and it completely changed how we thought about and managed our finances. It moved us to pay off all of our debt, except our house, (almost $30,000 in two and a half years) which has allowed me to remain a stay-at-home mom for the entirety of our kids lives so far. I ended up facilitating multiple classes, leading hundreds of people through the program, and ultimately trained to become one of their Financial Counselors. I knew that was what God had called me to do. I was making a difference and I loved every bit of it. A couple of years after my training we moved back home to Kentucky and a year after that we began our homeschooling journey. I was still very passionate about the program and all it stood for, but sometimes priorities change. I was now focused on homeschooling our second grader and raising our 4 year old. Over the next few years, we moved three more times, switched churches, then ultimately were part of a new church plant, where we still are today. It has been 8 years since I facilitated my last Financial Peace class and it still hurts to think about what I have missed in those years. It was a great passion of mine and I was actually pretty good at it. I have grieved over that loss in many ways. I have been angry, sad, frustrated and disappointed. I really felt like that was where God wanted me to stay. He wanted me to help lead others into financial freedom. That was the ministry he had laid out for me but it wasn’t going how I had it planned out in my mind. I was stuck on that one thing and I couldn’t get over it. It wasn’t until I was standing in church a little over a week ago that this realization washed over me. I wasn’t aware that these feelings were wrapped up inside my heart. As I began to process these thoughts, I wept. As Matt and I talked about it, I wept. I am not comfortable with being emotional, but there is something about that release that is unbelievably healing. God is doing something new in me. I believe that’s where this ministry enters.

I am excited about what God is going to do in and through this next chapter of my life. I don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like or where it is going to lead, but I can promise you something. It will be real. It will be authentic. It will be good. So please stick around. You never know what you may come across on Providence Hill.