Ultimate Success
Being a parent can be pretty overwhelming. Like, really overwhelming. When God blessed us with a son, I began to realize this. I realized I had no idea what to do with this little creature who was now depending on me for everything… food, clothing, shelter, love, diaper changes, even movement. I also realized I had no idea what I was going to do when this little thing grew up and was on his own. When our firstborn was 2 weeks old, my parents had just left and Matt was at work. We lived 900 miles from “home” and I was there all alone… with a newborn. When Matt came home, I was sitting on the couch holding this baby, sobbing. Matt was concerned and ran over to me to find out what was wrong. I said, though the tears, “he’s going to go to college!”. Well, he thought I had lost my mind, but because he is who he is, he held back and did his best to comfort me. Fifteen years later I still have those thoughts, however they are much less intense and look a little different. We now have 3 boys who will eventually leave our nest - if all goes as planned. I am now concerned about other things, like who will they marry. Will she like me? Will they flush the toilet without being told? Will we get to see our grandkids? Will they have good jobs and be able to provide for their families? Will they comb their hair and brush their teeth on their own? Will they turn the lights off when they leave a room? Will they follow Jesus and His plan for their lives? Will they pick their nose in public? Some of those things matter much more than others, but I still worry about all of them.
One thing I’ve discovered over the last fifteen years is that God loves our boys so much more than we do. He wants them to succeed, but His idea of success may look very different than ours. He has a plan for each of them.
As our kids have gotten older, I realize more and more how much I want them to be in the center of God’s will. Yes, I want them to know how to find circumference, the three states of matter and where Ghana is. However, the knowledge of those things pales in comparison to knowing what God has laid out for them. I want more than anything for them to love Jesus and follow Him. That isn’t just going to happen on its own. It will only happen if they have a relationship with Him. Our prayers for our kids matter. What we pray for our kids matters. The fact that Matt and I both have parents and grandparents who prayed for us - and still do - matters. I want our kids to experience that. I want them to know they have parents and grandparents who love them enough to pray for them.
But what does that look - or sound - like? There are lots of things we want for our kids, so how do we narrow down the most important things we want to focus on? These are a few things we feel are most important.
Their Heart - The number one thing we pray for with our boys is that they will hear, recognize, and follow the voice of the Holy Spirit. If they get that one thing right, all of the other things will fall in line. We pray that’s their number one pursuit throughout their lives. There could be no greater measure of success than that.
Their Relationships - First and foremost, we pray the relationship with their Creator is their ultimate priority and that it’s stronger than any other relationship they have. We also pray they have friendships that glorify Jesus and push them closer to Him. We pray they have those people in their lives that keep them accountable - the ones who aren’t afraid to say the hard things in love.
Their Wife - We pray for our boys’ wives where they are right now. We pray they remain sexually pure and seek after God’s will for their lives. We pray that they will love God more than they love our son. We pray that they will be faithful to God and to him. We pray a circle of protection around their hearts, their minds, and their bodies.
Their Job - As strange as it may seem, it's not a priority that our boys go to college. Now, don’t get me wrong, we pray they have the opportunity to go to college, but more importantly, we pray they pursue what God wants them to pursue. We pray that they follow His lead and become successful in whatever that may be. We pray that they will work hard at whatever they do and are able to provide well for their family.
As a mom, it’s hard to not base my success on the success of my kids. After all, they are my full-time job so how else would I define success? Matt and I had this conversation not too long ago. How DO I define success as a mom? There are lots of things I could look at - do my boys have a successful job (did I teach them discipline and drive), do they have lots of kids (did I give them a loving home), do they have plenty of money (did I give them the right tools to get there)? Or, is my success in life not based on my kids’ performance at all? No, now that I really think about it, it’s actually completely unrelated to them. My success is not based on someone else. My success is measured by how well I did what God created me to do. First and foremost, He has called me to point them to Him. All I am responsible for is the pointing. He is responsible for the rest. He has called me to teach and train them. All I can do is the teaching and training. He is responsible for the rest. He has called me to intercede for them…. to pray for them. All I can do is pray. He is responsible for the rest.
When I look at my success through that filter, it takes a lot of the pressure off of me. I want them to be able to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. I want them to have great relationships. I want them to have an amazing marriage and I want them to have successful jobs. However hard I try to make those things happen, I can’t do it. The only thing I can do is pray for them and pray that I am fulfilling my calling.