What a legacy looks like…
Disclaimer: My relationship with my father-in-law in no way replaced my relationship with my Dad. My father-in-law was an added bonus.
The term in-law seems to have a negative connotation in most conversations. Thankfully, in our family it doesn’t. Matt and I have both been blessed with amazing parents, which in turn are amazing in-laws. We try not to take for granted how blessed we are to really enjoy each others’ families. As with any family, there is always drama here and there, but we are so fortunate to have a family that really sees the best in each other and makes it a priority to work things out quickly.
My father-in-law - Paul, Pepaw, Brother Paul - was one of a kind. He was first my pastor for ten years, beginning when I was 12. Even at that age, I believed he was the wisest man I had ever met. Wisdom and knowledge are different, but he had both. His wisdom was from God and he knew that and used it accordingly. Soon after he came to be pastor, I fell “in love” with his son. Matt and I dated on and off through the years, but spending time with his family was a bonus. I knew I was loved by Paul, whether Matt and I were dating or not. He always treated me like I was a part of their family.
Ten years after coming to be my pastor, I married his son. At that moment, I began to share on a deeper level in the legacy that has defined Paul Sanders. As uncommon as it is now, both sets of our parents have stayed married. Neither have been divorced. Because of that, we have great examples of what it means to love each other through even the hardest times. His parents and my parents are very different. Very different. Growing up, I saw my Dad pester my mom and chase her through the house tickling her as she squealed and ran. I saw him make a goofy comment at the dinner table and her laugh until she couldn’t catch her breath. I knew without a doubt that they loved each other, even though I may have never heard them say it. My in-laws, on the other hand, were very affectionate. I remember a moment on a youth trip when we had stopped the bus at a gas station for a break. I was the only one on the bus except for the two of them. They didn’t know I was there, but I heard him say to her, “Have I told you I loved you today?” He then gave her a kiss. I thought that was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. Now, Matt says the exact same thing to me. He had an amazing example of how to love his wife, and it has had an impact on our family. My boys now know what it means and what it looks like to love their future wives.
That’s what Paul did in every area of his life. He left a legacy. He set an example of love which has carried on in so many lives and will cause a ripple effect for all of those in its wake.
As my mother-in-law, Lana, and I were driving home from the hospital to meet the ambulance as they brought Paul home, we talked about their life together. Their life has been full of adventure, which points to Paul’s life motto - Experiment and Discover, which he did well. When we talk about Bucket Lists, it’s normally associated with the wealthy. With having enough money to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. This wasn’t the case for Paul and Lana. In talking with her in that moment, we realized that they had completed every item on their Bucket List (except a return trip to Guatemala) without ever being considered wealthy. They had traveled to Europe and toured multiple countries, been full time missionaries, vacationed in Cancun, and lived and traveled in an RV… just to name a few. I believe with all my heart those things happened as a result of their faithfulness and willingness to give up all they had to serve Jesus. He gave them the desires of their hearts.
The last thing “Pepaw” said to our little family as a whole was that he was proud of each of us. Through his strained voice in his last hours, he told each of our boys the he was proud of them. That wasn’t the only time he had said those words, but the fact that he chose those words as his last to them means something. It means that he meant it. It means that he wants them to remember their Pepaw was proud of them.
One of the definitions of legacy is something transmitted by or received from an ancestor. I am blessed to be a part of that legacy in so many ways - from him being my pastor, my father-in-law and Pepaw to our boys. One thing we will each carry with us is the fact that he loved us all so deeply and so well. He made sure we knew that every chance he got, right up to the end.
My boys have big shoes to fill, but thankfully the example set before them is one worthy of following.